

First Steps to a Happier Home: Your 20-Minute Guide

Is your child shouting and kicking off at home?
Is it difficult to get them to do anything other than play on their phone?
You were probably expecting this when they became teenagers, but are surprised that they’ve started so early.
Could it be hormones at 6? 8? 10? Probably not.
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Find out the first steps you need to take.
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It’s not too late to turn things around.

STEP 1
Understand what’s going on.
Download this simple chart to print, that you can use to identify triggers for your child’s challenging behaviors. It wil help you pinpoint patterns and areas to become aware of, to increase your understanding of what’s going on in you home. You don’t have to fill it in if you’ve got enough on your plate, but bare these questions in mind as you go about your week.
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STEP 2
How not to manage outbursts and do something more effective instead!
Here’s where things get different. Most parenting coaches would be talking about setting rules and screen limits. If you could do that right now, of course you would have already. So ignore them!
We’re going to do something different and turn traditional advice on its head.
At the moment, your kids are ruling the house by shouting or other behaviours that allow them to go back to their phones without having to do anything around the house or with anyone else. It’s tempting to conviscate their phones for ‘naughty’ behaviours or just shut off from them emotionally.
We can’t stop them from shouting or kicking off when we tell them to do something, so lets change how we respond to them instead. This will help reduce the stress in the house without confrontations. (This is not letting them get away with it - shuting themselves away is a coping strategy and their phone is designed to keep them hooked).
There are many ways I can help you with what's happening in your house right now, but this is your first steps. So lets do something for you. If you can be calmer when they kick off, they will naturaly (as if by magic) become calmer over time too.Take advantage of the time they're shut away in their room to reduce your stress.
Download the Spin a Feeling Technique here:
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The Spin a Feeling technique was created by Richard Bandler.
NO email required

STEP 3
Stengthening your connection.
Encourage daily activities or even just moments, to build trust and improve communication, like one-on-one time, active listening, or shared hobbies.
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I can’t stress how important this step is. It can be a game changer all by itself. When your kids like being around you, they are more willing to co-operate.
It can be hard to get them off their phones (they’re designed to keep them hooked), so you need to be a bit sneaky about it! Don’t expect them to give up their phone for long periods right away. Start with small, manageable chunks of time (e.g., 10–15 minutes). It’s easier to commit to a short, low-pressure activity. Gradually, they may start to see the benefits and may want to engage for longer periods.
Use thier interests to tempt them.
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Here’s some examples:
If they’re into social media or TikTok, try doing a fun challenge together, like creating a funny dance or a silly video that they can share with friends.
If they enjoy competitive gaming, try to replicate that experience through family board games or activities with a competitive element.
If your child loves technology, integrate it into the activities. Use a fitness app to track a family walk or challenge them to beat their step count. Alternatively, involve them in creating content for social media that includes family activities.
Start by setting small expectations and being patient. If your child refuses to participate, don’t force it. Over time, they may start to come around. Consistency without pressure builds trust and understanding that these activities are part of family life. Over time, they’ll become more used to these moments and then they realise they can enjoy time with you and still have their phone time. ​​​

STEP 4
Adjust your expectations.
I know how much this way of living is upsetting for you. I also know it doesn’t have to be this way. When I was in this situation I felt alone. It was the same feeling I’d felt all through my childhood and teen years, so it felt like it would always be this way and there’d be no escaping it. Having children brings up all the hurts from childhood and plonks them in front of you in an attempt to get you to do something about it.
So now’s your chance, starting with the above.
I do however, have a note of caution. It is one I struggled with for years - expectations. What I do in 1-1 sessions can often have quick results. But it’s important to remember that things do take time to mold and meld into something new. When we think something is going to change or happen quickly, we can get easily dissappointed. And then we give up before we’ve given it a proper try. So start taking the steps, one at a time and be gentle with yourself. Change happens if you allow it to happen on its own schedule.